Overwhelmed

That's how I've been feeling lately. Don't ask me why, there's nothing going on now that hasn't always been going on. I think it's just wearing on me. I often wonder to myself how I'm ever going to handle having kids at this rate. Everyday is the same. I get off work, come home and do whatever chores need to be done (grocery shopping, laundry, unloading the dishwasher, etc). Then I have to cook dinner and I usually have to clean up after dinner as I'm usually home alone. This is on top of taking care of the dog and the puppies. Just the other day I walked in the house to find that Gidget had diarrhea all over the living room. Great! Just fucking dandy! I actually did call Andrew and work that day and told him to get his buns home because I wasn't handling that shit alone (it was making me gag). By the time I'm done with all of that it doesn't leave much time for unwinding. I think I realize why people with kids are so high strung all the time now :). I've been getting really resentful to Andrew lately too because he doesn't have to do shit around the house. He work until like 7 every night and then often runs off to a side job. I know he's working his ass off and without it we wouldn't survive but it gets really, really old after awhile. Plus he can't ever just simply do something - everything is a big freaking project to him. If I ask him to do the dishes he'll decide that he has this special doo-hicky in the garage that would make doing the dishes easier so he'll go out there and look around for 1/2 an hour for the damned thing. Then it'll take him another 1/2 an hour to get it set up. Then it won't work so he'll have to fix it. By the time everything is done it'll have turned into a 3 hour project! It's insane!

Plus I think alot of it is the wedding planning. It doesn't seem like I should be busting my ass this far in advance but everyone wants deposits and a 5 month notice. So that leaves me deadline at Decemeber. Hopefully everything gets fun after that point :). It wouldn't be so bad if I was doing it all myself but everyone has an idea for me or knows someone that I should use. Especially my mother in law. I love my mother in law, I truly do. But she wants to use all these Colusa people and my wedding is in Esparto. On top of that her catering dude hasn't returned any of her calls which tells me that he's not interested in our business and I haven't heard from her cake lady either. All that kind of scares me because most people in the wedding business call you every day to check up on your plans 'cause they want your money. My mom is the total opposite, she has no ideas, no preferences and she thought I was going dress shopping with my cousin. Duh, mom! That's a total mother-daughter time. Her and my dad are footing the bill though so I can't complain too much. Just the other day I commented to my friend about how when women get married they get a lifetime of more laundry, more dishes, and a garage full of shit and what do we get back? Love? Companionship? More money in the bank? Men get home cooked meals (ok my man does cook sometimes), a clean house, clean laundry neatly hung in the closet for them, and a personal accountant. Hardly seems fair :). But yet we continue to do it because oddly enough it still beats being alone and at the end of the long, hard day you still love him. Even if he punched you in the mouth last night while attempting to cuddle you in his sleep.

On a brighter note we got the stink pots moved out of my closet and into the garage and it costs us a lot less than I thought it would to build a pen. Only problem ('cause you know there had to be one)? Gidget barks her ass off whenever you put her in with the puppies because she's a spoiled bitch now and she thinks her place is in the house. I'm starting to rethink the idea of keeping a puppy. Dogs are pissing me off right now. Actually, everything is pissing me off right now. Good thing Monday's a holiday!!!!