Finally Friday!

So I told my man that he was being an ass and pissing me off so he started making an effort to kiss my ass by doing the laundry and washing the nasty blankets in the dog kennel and filling all of Gidget's bowls up to the max. He did a few other things of note but I can't remember what right now because I'm tired and slightly buzzed. The good thing about Andrew is that he loves me. I mean he really loves me and if he thinks I'm unhappy he'll do what he can to change it. He even offered to talk to his boss about his schedule because I hate him having to work Sunday's but there's nothing he can do about it. He's low man on the totem pole and we're just lucky he doesn't have to work the night shift. He's offered to give up his business before too because I complain about never seeing him but I can't let him do that. He loves his business and even though I know he'll never make a full time career out of it I have to let him give it his best other wise he'll resent me forever. Besides, I'd rather him get it out of his system now than when we have kids. Today I was just thinking about poor Andrew and how he has no life outside of what he does with me. Most of his friends are in Colusa and with his schedule it's just not easy to hang out with them as often as he'd like. I was thinking how sad it was that I got to run off with my friends for shopping trips or movies or whatever and he never goes anywhere. Then tonight when I was off getting drunk with my coworkers he called and left a message that he was going out with some of his coworkers. I'm trying to be happy for him but part of me is wishing he was home because we have to get up early tomorrow and because I'm not used to him going out without me. It's good for him though so I'll just do my best not to get pissed off tomorrow morning when I practically have to drag him out of bed. The good news about Andrew is that I never feel insecure about him being out without me because I know he wants to come home to me. I do worry about him making stupid decisions about driving drunk and spending a shit load of money though. Andrew and I are the same - if we have money we're more than happy to spend it on our friends buying rounds or buying dinner or whatever. It sounds nice but it's truly a bad habit.

Now if only I could get customers at work appreciate my feelings.... I'm sooo burnt out on assholes it's not even funny.

Sometimes I think about my ex boyfriend and wonder if he ever really loved me. I just thought of that because I looked at my necklaces hanging by my computer and I saw a heart necklace he had bought me right before we broke up. It was my birthday and he had called my mom to ask her what to buy me because he knew he had struck out big time with the freaking gift certificate he gave me for Christmas and he wanted to buy me something that would make me happy. It's times like that when I think he truly did love me but then there's other times when I felt like he just wasn't there emotionally. According to him he truly did love me and according to my friends he tells them to this day that he loved me and that breaking up with me was the hardest thing he ever did and blah blah blah. I guess it's a question I'll never know the answer too and I probably shouldn't care but it would be nice to know that I didn't waste more than a year of my life with someone who only stayed with me because he was too passive to dump me. Long ago I came to the point where I wouldn't trade Andrew in for Jimmy if my life depended on it but the question still haunts me and he still makes appearances in my dreams. I've always been like that with my ex's. The question of how they really felt about me always haunts me. I don't know if it's just my insecurities or that I've dated losers but when I think about them, any of them, the question always pops in my head. I guess I'm just crazy :). Thankfully I'll (hopefully) never have to feel that way again!