Won't you be my neighbor?

I've spent alot of time on here bitching about various things but I don't think I've quite covered how much I hate my neighbors yet! First of all let me give you some background. Somehow we stumbled upon a house in a regular neighborhood on a regular street where we seem to be the only white people. Wait, let me rephrase that - we're the only rednecks. We are not model citizens. We have too many cars, too much junk, and too many dogs but we are respectful of our neighbors. Unfortunately, it doesn't go both ways. Oh, and just for reference we live on a couldesac that does not have houses at the end, it just has about 6 parking spaces and we live in the 2nd to last house. Since the pictures suck, let me recap. The arrows pointing around the boat points to our junk and the unregistered boat that we worked on for someone who has yet to pick the damned thing up (a point of contention in our home). The arrows pointing to the tree just says I hate that ugly tree and we're going to rip it out.



Let's start with the who dunnit incidents. First, we had a dumpy old boat that we had parked in our driveway that ran like a champ but we couldn't find the guy who owned it 3 owners ago so we couldn't register it. We moved it to the extra parking area at the end of the street (which is still essentially right outside my front door) so that it wouldn't make our house look dumpy and we had plans on taking it to the junk yard that weekend. The next day I went off to work and came home to find the boat had been marked for towing! Now this didn't really surpise me as the parking nazi loves stuff like that. What did surprise me was that she was cruising my street. A little peculiar but whatever. The boat gets hauled off, problem solved. Next: we decided that with our many cars and with Arlene's car being added to the mix that we should start parking perpendicular to the curb instead of parallel to it. As we're at the end of the couldesac the street is much, much wider than it is anywhere else and this prevents us from taking up spaces in front of our neighbors house (which we never, ever do) or from taking up most of the extra parking area. Low and behold, I come home and there's a parking ticket on my windsheild for parking the wrong way. Next week there's a parking ticket on my car because it doesn't have a front plate (which we removed to put the bra on the car). Ok, now it's obvious that someone is calling the cops on us 'cause there was a beat up peice of shit with broken windows in the extra parking for MONTHS that didn't get touched before we put our boat there (it ended up getting towed instead of our boat! Haha suckers!).

Now on to the East side neighbors. The first incident occured when they came over and said that Gidget barked all day long and the guy couldn't get any sleep 'cause he works nights. I believed him and I quickly started leaving her in her kennel in the house which she hated with a passion. Then I become accutely aware of the West side neighbor's dog who barks 24/7 in a very repitious, bored manner (he's going at it right now as Gidget lays silently at my feet). I started putting Gidget out back again and we've never heard anything since. Shocking. On top of that I started seeing the guy out and about during the day when he was suppossed to be sleeping. But whatever, right? The East side neighbors have 2 adult kids living with them although I'd swear there were about 50 the way that they have cars parked up and down the street and a million people in and out. I thought they were just friendly people until I walked out back the other day and was assaulted by the VERY strong smell of marijuana burning! Now I'm not against weed. I don't smoke it but I don't have a problem with other people doing it and in fact I used to live with a major pot head and I've taken part in a sell or two. But I would never have the audacity to tell my neighbors off about their dog barking when I'm running a drug house! HELLO! But druggies never think about shit like that. He's probably so dumb his kid is growing pot in his closet and he doesn't even know. Sure explains why every single one of them drives a new car though! Oh, and about the kid(s). Since they've taken up all their parking spots and they refuse to park in the extra parking they've taken to parking in the little space between our driveways in front of our boat. I wouldn't mind this so much since the boat (which isn't even ours!!!) doesn't move as it's not registered but a problem occurs every garbage day. We put our toters out in front of the boat for pick up (which is in front of our property) and every day when we get home the toters have been moved directly in front of our driveway making it impossible to pull up and we must stop the car in the street, move the toters, and then park. Where I grew up if you noticed your neighbors toters were in the way or you wanted to park there you grabbed their toters and hauled them up to their house and placed them in their designated toter area which you were familiar with because neighbors looked out for each other.

Now on to the West side neighbors. Besides the fact that 25-30 people live there, they never mow their back yard (ever), they parked a basketball hoop in the extra parking area, they have blankets hung in the front windows (I HATE THAT!), and their dog barks 24/7 they were ok. But then it started. On toter day (a bad day for us). We always have a car parked in extra parking because we refuse to park in front of our neighbors houses out of respect. We drive both of our cars so they get parked in various parking spots along the extra parking. Every toter day the West Side neighbors take their toter out and place it directly behind our car, no matter which space it's in, making it impossible for us to get out forcing me to either move the toter or drive the other car (I always opt for the latter). Now keep in mind that sometimes this means that they have to put their toter almost on the other side of the street just to piss us off. WTF? This is the payback I get for buying candy from your damn kid's school fundraisers and fetching balls from my backyard for the kids before Gidget eats them? In the picture below you will notice how my car is right about in the middle of the extra parking, next to the basketball hoop. West side neighbors driveway starts over by those bushes on the right. Notice the distance they have to go to put their toter behind my car. Then they tell us that our dog is shitting too much in the front yard and it stinks. Ok, I give them that one. For some reason every time Gidget goes in the front yard she thinks she has to take a poop and I'd been telling Andrew for some time to clean it up because you could smell it when you drove up and it was NASTY. So we apologized profusely and dilengtly cleaned up every peice of poop we could find, even cat poop and small dog poop that somehow made it to our yard.

Then the Mother F'ers pulled this shit:

Ok, so my writing is really small but what I'm trying to get at is the fact that there's 2 cars parked directly behind me blocking me in. Not one car, TWO. Now I could have called the cops and had that car towed. It would have brought me great pleasure actually. But then the bastards would retaliate and god knows I can't afford anymore tickets! Especially with someone already eagle eyeing every move we make. So here I sit with assholes on both sides of us. I refuse to move again because I hate moving and because we've put alot of time and money into fixing up the inside. Ok, so the bathroom door is only half painting and the folding doors in the hallway aren't painted at all but that's 'cause we ran out of paint and haven't been able to find the same kind and color again.

Bastards.