Somebody just shoot me!

So I should have known that this was going to be a bad day when Frankie DIDN'T piss on me when I woke his ass up this morning. That should have been my sign that something was off kilter. I get to work and before I even sign on to my computer Chris, the security guard, is asking me where her copies are.

?????

'Cause I'm supppossed to know the answer immediately upon arrival??? I look at the photocopy machine and it's jammed. Big surprise. It hasn't made a single copy of her 100 double sided papers. So I start working on it like any nice girl would. Before I can even locate the jam people are lining up at my window. Ok, so I start helping them. Chris starts asking about her copies. I'm getting irritated. The photocopy machine won't print even though I've cleared the jam and opened every single freaking compartment on the damned machine. Finally it starts spitting out papers and Radyne opens up and starts helping with customers. This all went down between 8:00 and 8:07 and by 8:07 I had already collected $1500.00 in fines.

The day continues to be busy but it's not so bad. I'm managing fine. Lunch time rolls around and I hit up the post office like I usually do and I find my PG&E bill waiting for me. I open 'er up to see what the damage is and I almost topple down the stairs from heart attack. $400 freaking dollars!! I've never had a bill over $250 before and when it's that high I almost die. $400. Do you know what that can buy???? $400 on electricity. Mainly it's the A/C and the laundry. See everyone in my house except for me thinks that it should be a constant 70 degrees which leaves me freezing my ass off most of the time but I get by with some blankies. NO MORE. 76 is as low as it goes from now on!!!!!! Plus we're going to have to cut back on some laundry. 5 people with my ghetto washer/dryer is obviously adding up!

So I drive home in shock and when I arrive I see a familiar piece of pink paper stuck under the windshield of the Kia. A PARKING TICKET! This is the 3rd f'ing time the parking nazi has been to my culdesac in 2 weeks! My CULDESAC. That's right, my residential not a through road street. What the F is the parking nazi doing over here?!?! The only logical explanation is that the neighbors are calling them and asking them to ticket us. When the ugly ass brown boat that we couldn't register was here I understood. It was ugly, it was unusable, and it took up parking. I get it. My car got ticketed because we were trying to be considerate of the neighbors by parking perpendicular to the curb instead of parallel and we get a ticket for parking on the sidewalk (yes, my front tires were slightly on the sidewalk and just for the record the curbs are slanted, not block. Kind of like a driveway all the way around). Now I could see if we lived on a narrow street where parking perpendicular would be a problem but we live at the end of the culdesac. You know, the part that gets REALLY wide like a huge lake at the end of the river? Whatever.

It gets worse. As I'm eating lunch I hear a knock on the door. No way I'm answering that bitch because it's probably a neighbor who wants to bitch because he can hear Frankie barking from inside his kennel inside the house. Or because Andrew's tomatoes plants are growing out of control and making the front porch look ratty. Or because Andrew's truck is too loud when he leaves at 7:30 am (I had a neighbor bitch about my ex boyfriend's truck being too loud. It was a brand new, stock diesel with factory exhaust). Who the hell knows but I surely wasn't in the mood for it. So lunch is over and I go to put the weiner dog back in his cage (he can't go outside with Gidget because Gidget is in heat) and the little shit pees on my foot! Luckily I was barefoot and it was an easy clean up. Oh, I forgot to mention that Frankie has taken to shitting on the back porch instead of in the dirt or grass and when I let Gidget in she ran full steam ahead through Frankie's shit and left shitty foot prints throughout the house. THANK GOD FOR SPOT BOT!!!! If I have any fibers in my carpet left when we move out it will be a freaking miracle.

So I'm pretty much done. Done with bills that I can't pay. Done with trying to appease the neighbors. Done with trying to get Andrew to remember to turn off the hose that he turned on.....

DONE. I'm going to read my book now and possibly take a nap. I think I'm deserving :).